I don't know how people can take it...

It was only the head yet it was painful. How do people do it?

THANKSGIVING

Let it be documented here that I would like to thank Allah swt. for fulfilling the following 'doas' I've made:

1. For making my PhD journey a successful one and a breeze. Only God knows how many times I've prayed to him for these starting way back in 1999, 2000, 2002 in Mekah, Madinah and continued until I completed it last year.

2. For making my nephew move back to stay with his mom. I've made doa for this during the fasting month and one day he decided to move.

3. For enabling me to pay my credit cards, full amount, all time

to be continued

UPDATE - RANDOM THOUGHTS

It's been a few weeks since my last update...who reads this blog anyway. Nevertheless, since it's a journal it is meant to be reflected upon later.

Here are some of the things that are on my mind right now:

I saw a Malay wedding album, on Facebook, of somebody I don't even know but a friend of one of my FB friends. One of the pictures in the album shows the bride throwing the bouquet of flowers to her unmarried friends at the back. I really do not know to react. Should I be shocked or should I be worried or should I not react at all? Anyways, I don't think we should be copying the West. Like it or not our wedding culture has changed. Just 2 days ago my friend told me that at a wedding he attended they now serve Soto, Laksa...hmm.

I have the hots for 3 of the people I work for.

I saw Oprah's Whitney Houston interview last night. It was really good. The woman loved Bobby Brown so much that she was willing to sacrifice her career. Whitney said Bobby was her drug.

I've come the a phase that I wish I was my own boss. I'm tired of people telling what I have to do. I cannot afford to be my own boss.

My new sister in law is a bitch.

Update

Tak tau apa nak tulis so I tulis apa je yg ada dalam kepala aku.

1. Aku sekarang subscribe Wimax untuk guna kat office aku sebab Internet kat office ni slow nak mampos. Jadi sebelum aku humban CPU ofis ni kat lantai dan lepas tu kena tindakan disiplin baik aku subscribe broadband. Laju giler kalau banding dengan connection kat office. Dah lama memang nak subscribe tapi coverage belum ada lagi masa tu, sekarang dah ada. Ironi kan, tempat kerja aku ni ada perkataan Teknologi pada nama dia, tapi teknologi macam haram.

2. Raya ari tu macam biasa jer walaupun ibu aku baru saja pulang ke rahmatullah. Aku memang tak brapa suka beraya kat sini, aku lebih suka beraya overseas sebab orang2 sana akan berusaha untuk memeriahkan suasana hari raya. Kampung pulak dah takde dan nadi keluarga pun dah takde. Dulu nadinya adalah nenek aku. Lepas dia tak de Raya dah kurang makna.

3. Aku tengah sangap ni, hmmm

Update

My mom passed away on Thursday after six weeks of knowing that she had cancer. BB left for the States the next day. The loneliness is creeping in since the two people that loves and loved me the most are not with me.

This year there has been a lot of death of people I know and people the world knows. First it was my colleague, then two of my colleagues' mothers, followed by Michael Jackson, then Yasmin Ahmad then my mother and on the same day Ustaz Asri of Rabbani, then my former headmaster from secondary school and recently Ted Kennedy.

Update

The next few months is not looking too good for me. Mom has strong signs of having cancer, lymphoma and has been in the hospital more than 2 weeks. She getting weaker by the day and the doctor said her organs are failing. I've been going to the hospital after work and it's quite tiring because of the distance and the jam.

BB is leaving for the US this Friday for 2 years. I will miss BB dearly and will worry about BB there. BB is old enough but to me BB is a baby, my baby.

Hola

Yeay, I'm in Barcelona. Glad that I decided to defy orders.

Update

A few updates:

1. Fake

A few months back I sort of encountered two people who had faked their degrees. One of them is a colleague who was sent to the UK to do her Masters. She came back in 2005 claiming to have graduated but for 4 years she failed to show any evidence of her graduation i.e. the certificate itself until a few months back when she produced a xerox copy of the cert but without showing the original. Upon checking with the university she was only given a certificate for taking a few courses. Anyways this person talks like she knows everything and lying to her is similar to breathing.

Another person is a student who had lied to her family members and probably to her employee that she had obtained her degree from the place that I work. One day I received an email from her brother asking me to verify her sister's claim of graduation. Based on many circumstances and evidences he doubted that the sister ever graduated. Upon checking it is confirmed that she did not complete her program, she left the program during the 3rd year and never came back. While being bombarded with questions and confrontations from her siblings she even faked an email from her to me and from me to her back. A liar will always be a liar, lying is like I said earlier breathing to these people. Mind you these two people are Muslim women who wearstudung.


2. Vacation

BB and I took a vacation to Siem Reap recently through Air Asia Go Holiday. We stayed at an excellent 4 star hotel and visited of course the temples: Angkor Wat, Angkor Thom and Bayon. The Cambodians are very nice people and they can speak English very well yet receiving Engligh Language lessons only two hours a week in schools. Unlike our own kind who learned English a few hours a week for 11 years and still can't utter a word of English. The Cambodians' extrinsic and instrinsic motivations must be very high.

Random Thoughts

When I was small I was never their favorite. In fact my intuition tells me that my arrival was never planned, I was more like an accident nobody wanted. I never asked for anything for I know I would not get it, thus I continued not to ask. I was twice or maybe more chased with a knife and a 'parang' for saying things I shouldn't say and for doing things I was too young to handle. I was twice or maybe more called a bastard and one day I replied 'that would make him a bastard too'. The shock was apparent on the face for it was not known then that I have already learned what bastard means. Now this bastard child is the one to be dependent upon. Do I care I was not their favorite? No I don't. I'm glad I'm not their favorite because they are not mine either.

Mimpi

Malam semalam aku mimpi aku tengah driving pada time malam. Tgh2 driving tiba ada tangan kurus macam ranting datang dari belakang pengang telinga aku pastu muka aku. Lepas tu tangan itu terus grab steering kreta dan dia pusing ke kanan nak bagi aku accident. Aku melawan sambil baca Al-Fatihah. Aku terus sedar, B terus peluk aku. Kemudian aku mimpi lagi, kali ni Nicole Pussycat Doll pulak muncul. Pastu aku lupa apa jadi.

On a different note, pagi2 B bagi tau dia sudah dapat tempat di negara Obama. So bulan Ogos nanti dia pergi. Xde siapa lah nanti akan sayang aku macam dia sayang aku. Macam mana plak dia kat sana nanti. Kat sini aje lepas satu jam berpisah dah sms kata rindu sesangat. Tapi takpe, dia dah besar, bukan budak kecik. Mungkin aku takde dia akan tiba2 terasa bebas. Macam aku dulu dengan scandal aku. 3 bulan aku tanggung rindu sampai sakit. Lepas tu tiba2 aku terasa bebas sebab tak rindu lansung kat dia. How now brown cow?

On the same note, bab pegi-pegi, aku plak sudah diluluskan untuk pegi ke bandar Olympic 1992 July ini. Yeay...tapi kena top-up duit sendiri, banyak plak tu. Tapi tak pe, untuk CV aku jugak nanti. Gaji aku pun dah ceiling.

On similar note, Jemaat ni aku ke negeri di bawah bayu. Sudah bertahun2 aku tak ke situ. Tapi paling seronok aku dapat makan di lounge emas, enak sekali dan dapat minum teh tarik yg memang sedap. Walaupun ini cheap and free thrill, small things like this balance out your life.

Saya Tak Nak Jadi Hipokrit

About two weeks ago when watching Melodi I saw this young Muslim actress wearing a dress that exposed her shoulders. When the reporter ask her about the way she was dressed she replied ' Saya tak nak jadi hipokrit'.

Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines the word hypocrite as follow:

1. a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
2. a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings

Does her excuse for not wanting to be a hypocrite warrant her the right to expose her 'aurat'?

Am I a hypocrite for trying to be discreet in my sexual preference and at the same time being a Muslim?

Sugar

I've been reading a blog belonging to a person who I used to work for...well, I actually have never worked for him, more for his colleagues and I think I have never spoken to him more than 3 minutes. This person was a bit on the chubby side but he has a very pleasant personality. Based on his Facebook photos he seems to have lost some weight. Recently I got to know that he had his right leg (below the knee) amputated because of diabetes. To say I was shocked is not completely true. Indeed I was shocked but more because this person is still young. He's only 33. He posted pictures of the gradual changes that happened to first his 'small' toe than to his entire right leg. Did not gross me out at all, in fact I like looking at such pictures. According to the title of one of his entries, he wrote 'Challenged but Definitely not Defeated'. He indeed has the right spirit.

On an unrelated incident, today I fried two eggs and partly two of my fingers. Adoi

Hangat

I do live by some principles, though not all the principles I live by I can really articulate whether in writing or orally. It's probably just natural that as you get older and more matured (matured ke?) these principles are carved into your head and some of them you can un-carve or re-carve (what crap have I written here?). One of the principles I realise I live by not long ago is that don't ask for help when you can help yourself first. The other principle I follow is not to have an affair with the people you work with or you work for. The whole point of this crappy entry is I have the hots for someone or probably a couple of people I work for. How one? The End.

Sawang

Lama tak tulis apa2. Tak tau nak tulis apa.

Al-Fatihah

Hari ini pada jam 3.45 pagi kawan baik aku telah pulang ke rahmatullah meninggalkan seorang suami dan empat orang anak berumur, 14, 13, dan dua lagi masih sekolah rendah. Pada masa kematian suami dia telah terdengar kawan aku ini dalam keadaan nazak dan dengan cepat dia panggil anak-anak kedalam bilik. Kawan aku sempat berkata sesuatu kepada keluarga dia dan lepas itu dia terus tidak ada dengan cepat dan senang. Sebelum ini kawan aku ni tak de sakit apa pun cuma dia kena makan pil hypertension. Jiran doktor mengesahkan dia telah mengalami stroke pada umur 44. Kawan aku ni tak lah gemok tapi mungkin penyakit keturunan. Siapa pulak yang akan jaga anak-anak dia yang masih sangat perlukan seorang emak? Dia ni memang baik dan antara kawan yang kami boleh trust. Kebelakangan ini aku pernah jugak terpikir siapa diantara kawan seangkatan yang pernah dulu satu department akan mati dulu. Tak sangka pula aku dia dan cepat pulak, sebelum kami sempat pencen dia dah pergi. Al-Fatihah

Berdarah

Semalam aku 'pooping' berdarah. Aku intai 'poop' aku aku tengok airnya dah merah dan darah pun masih menitis. Bukan berdarah sebab aku kena sontot ok, sebab poop aku keras. Rectum aku tercalar. Nasib baik tak sakit, perit sikit jer.